Cyberbullying

n most large-scale studies that I have reviewed, the percentage of teens who have experienced cyberbullying is between 40-50%. In Pew Research Center's 2022 study, it was 46%.¹ Given its prevalence, every parent needs to know what to do if this danger becomes a part of their child's life.

Every parent can prepare their family by following a simple checklist:

1. Understand what constitutes cyberbullying
2. Know the signs of cyberbullying
3. Review your local cyberbullying laws
4. Examine your child's school's cyberbullying policies
5. Document the steps you should take if cyberbullying occurs

This guide gives you the information you need to complete this checklist. It works best if you complete this checklist before any cyberbullying occurs. In this way, you can be prepared with an action plan if it unfortunately becomes something you have to deal with.

A Definition

Before we can talk about cyberbullying, we need to define it. I need to clarify both what cyberbullying is and what it isn't.

The Cyberbullying Research Center defines cyberbullying as “willful and repeated harm inflicted through the use of computers, cell phones, and other electronic devices.”² While there are similarities to traditional bullying, there are compelling reasons to treat this as a unique behavior.

It is essential to understand that according to this definition, there are requirements for what constitutes cyberbullying. Remember the following passage from The Digital Parenting Guidebook:

One of the reasons I prefer to use the definition from the Cyberbullying Research Center is that it gives us a framework to evaluate online interactions. It states that cyberbullying is willful. Given the lack of body language and facial expressions online, it can be easy to misinterpret someone's message. If it isn't willful, it isn't cyberbullying. The definition also states that it needs to be a repeated behavior pattern, but we will discuss some situations that would require immediate action after a single offense. Next, the victim must realize they have been harmed by the interaction. Finally, it needs to happen on a digital device.³

Warning Signs

One of the biggest challenges for parents in this area is that teens and pre-teens often fail to report if they experience cyberbullying. Some reports indicate that only 23% of cases are reported.⁴ There could be many reasons why this happens, including:

• The youth is afraid that digital devices will be taken away
• The incident occurred on a platform the youth didn't have permission to be on
• The youth is worried that reporting the incident will cause them to lose friends
• The youth believes they can handle it on their own

Because of this, it is absolutely critical for parents to know what warning signs to watch out for. This includes both warning signs that your child is being bullied as well as warning signs that your child may be bullying another youth.

Review the complete list of warning signs the Cyberbullying Research Center provides for victims and perpetrators.

Know the Law

Knowing the laws in your country and region is an essential step in being prepared to address cyberbullying. If you are in the United States, the Department of Health and Human Services provides an up-to-date listing of state and federal laws regarding this area. You can review this information at the link below:

Bullying Laws, Policies, and Regulations

Know Your School's Policies

If your child is attending school outside of the home, you must understand the school's policies regarding cyberbullying. Most schools have actively addressed this issue because it often interferes with the learning environment. As a parent, you deserve to know all of their policies and procedures.

You should ask for the following information from the school:

• Is there a bullying prevention plan in place for the school
• Who you should contact if your child is cyberbullied or has witnessed another student be cyberbullied
• What criteria warrant school administrators getting involved in a cyberbullying incident

What To Do

Having a plan for cyberbullying will help you make better decisions should this ever affect your family directly. Review the following action steps and understand when each step does and does not apply to cyberbullying.

Talking with Your Child

Keep in mind that there are many reasons why youth tend not to share about cyberbullying. Some of these reasons relate to our reaction as parents. If they feel we will overreact, become overly emotional, or immediately remove all digital access, they will be much less likely to share. Our reaction to previous events may shape how they approach cyberbullying.

Because of this, we need to create a supportive environment where they can share honestly about any cyberbullying incident. If they come to us with concerns, we should remind them that as a part of respecting themselves, they have done the right thing in reporting it to you.

The best tactic parents and caregivers can take when their child is cyberbullied is to make sure they feel (and are) safe, and to convey unconditional support. Parents must demonstrate to their children through words and actions that they both desire the same end result: that the cyberbullying stop and that life does not become even more difficult. This can be accomplished by working together to arrive at a mutually-agreed upon course of action, as many times it is appropriate (and important) to solicit the child's opinion as to what might be done to improve the situation.⁵

Keep a Record

Once you know that bullying has occurred, you should encourage your child to show you where it has happened. In most cases, this will mean they will show you the app, gaming platform, or social media site where the bullying occurred.

At this phase, you should document everything. If you are on an iPhone or Android phone, this can be as simple as taking a screenshot of the evidence. Once you have the screenshots or screen recordings, you can send them to yourself via text message or email.

For instructions on how to capture screenshots or screen recordings, see the following links:

• Apple - Taking a screenshot on your iPhone
• Apple - Taking a screenshot on your iPad
• Apple - Record the screen on your iPhone, iPad, or iPod touch
• Google - Take a Screenshot or Record Your Screen on Your Android Device

Make Direct Contact

In some situations, you may be able to reach out directly to the offender or the offender's parents or guardians. If nothing illegal has occurred, this discussion may resolve the offense. You will need to remind your child that to show the proper respect to themselves and protect others from becoming victims, this conversation needs to happen.

Report to the School or Other Organization

In many situations, even if the bully is a classmate at your child's school, you will not have direct access to the offender or the offender's guardians. In this case, there is cause to get the school involved. Even if the offense happens off school property and after hours, you can still get school administrators involved.

In a previous step, you determined the point of contact for cyberbullying at your child's school. Reach out to this individual with a basic description of what has occurred. You may include some of the evidence with this initial message to ensure they understand the severity of the issue. Request a meeting with the administrators to discuss the incident and to determine the next steps.

Sometimes, the connection point between your child and the bully is not the school. It could be a church, sports team, or other organization. In these instances, you should set up a meeting with the leadership of that organization to discuss the incident. While most schools are well-versed in dealing with cyberbullying, other organizations are less likely to have this level of experience.

Document all correspondence with the school or organization. This recommendation includes recording the meeting where the bullying is discussed (as long as all parties agree on the recording). The voice memo feature on your phone can be an excellent tool for capturing these discussions.

• Apple - Making a recording in Voice Memos on iPhone
• Google - Record audio on your Pixel phone
• Samsung - How to record audio on the Samsung phone voice recorder app

Report to Law Enforcement

There are situations when you should contact law enforcement. They should be your first point of contact if anything illegal occurs. This includes occurrences like:

• Fully partially nude images of a minor
• Threats of physical harm
• Cyberstalking
• Extortion / Blackmail

Since this list is not exhaustive, you should contact law enforcement if you even suspect something illegal occurred. At this point, you can share the documented evidence that you have collected.

Report to the Social Network or Platform

In some cases, you may need to contact the companies behind the social network, game, or app where cyberbullying occurs. They should be able to deal with these scenarios more directly than what is available to users.

The Cyberbullying Research Center provides a lengthy list of platforms and their contact information.

Conclusion

If you have walked through the checklist, you will have what you need to combat cyberbullying if it affects your child. It will be helpful to revisit this information every year to ensure that your information remains up-to-date.